Prisoner’s Dilemma, A Play in One Act

A cold, sterile, and clinical holding cell. Poorly lit. There is a heavy door with no window, a well-worn wooden bench, and a cheap cot with an uncovered mattress. A second door, almost indistinguishable from the wall, leads to a small unseen room.

SARAH sits on the cot, smoking. She wears little or no make-up and a suit appropriate for a conservative office: blazer, skirt, heels. Her shoulder bag is casual and not appropriate for office clothing. She ashes on the floor and smiles to herself.

The door opens and GUARD escorts CLAIRE into the cell. CLAIRE wears make-up, her hair is styled, and she wears a conservatively funky casual outfit.

 

GUARD is neither threatening, nor friendly. He wears a nondescript dark uniform.

GUARD
Wait here.

He leaves, shutting the door.

CLAIRE
She remains at the door, looking blankly downstage. SARAH gives a friendly wave. CLAIRE does not notice and turns to the door.

Excuse me. Hello. There must be some kind of mistake. Hello.

SARAH
I don’t think they can hear you once the door is shut. I think it’s pretty much sound proof.

CLAIRE
She turns and notices SARAH for the first time.
Oh. I see. Of course.

She looks at SARAH for a moment then sits on the bench. She is restless immediately and begins to move around in her half of the cell. She eventually stops in front of the bench and reaches into her purse. CLAIRE pulls out a lighter.

I’m sorry, but could I get a cigarette off you. I seem to have misplaced my cigarettes. But, why would I still have my lighter?

SARAH
Sure.

She pulls a crumpled pack from her shoulder bag and gets up to offer it. CLAIRE is distracted.

You can have one.

CLAIRE
Thank you. It’s your last one.

SARAH
It’s alright. Go ahead.

CLAIRE
I can’t take your last cigarette.

SARAH
Don’t worry.

CLAIRE
You never take the last cigarette.

SARAH
It’s the lucky one. I’m offering and I’ve got plenty left on this one.

CLAIRE
Are you sure?

SARAH
Positive. Take it.

CLAIRE
Thank you. I will, then.

She lights the cigarette. SARAH returns to the cot.

I’m surprised they let us smoke in here. It’s impossible to smoke indoors these days.

SARAH
That’s true. It is a bit of a novelty. But the real pleasure, I think, comes from being able to ash on the floor. Sacriliscious.

CLAIRE
Is there no ashtray?

SARAH
There is, if you think of the floor as a particularly large ashtray.

CLAIRE
If there is no ashtray, maybe we shouldn’t be smoking. No ashtrays usually mean no smoking.

SARAH
I’ve been chaining my way through this pack for a half-hour and no one has said anything yet.

CLAIRE
No?

SARAH
No.

CLAIRE
I wonder why they don’t care.

SARAH
I don’t know.

CLAIRE moves distractedly around the room, as she smokes.

So. Do you like stuff?

CLAIRE
I’m sorry? What do you mean by stuff?

SARAH
Any kind of stuff.

CLAIRE
Do you mean drugs. Then, no. Not unequivocally, though. Just not now. Thank you.

SARAH
No. I’m not talking about drugs. It was kind of a rhetorical question. It’s a Simpson’s reference.

CLAIRE
It’s a what?

SARAH
It’s a reference to a Simpson’s episode. Ralph is trying to make small talk with Lisa and that’s what he asks her, “Do you like stuff?”. He asks it as a way to try to make conversation.

CLAIRE
What do the Simpson’s have to do with anything?

SARAH
Shock. The Simpson’s have to do with everything. But, I take your point. It’s suppose to be a kind of ice breaker, I guess. I once had an entire conversation with a complete stranger using nothing but Simpsons references.

CLAIRE
Well, I never really watched the show much.

They fall into an awkward silence.

SARAH
I’m Sarah. By the way.

CLAIRE
I’m Claire. Nice to meet you.

SARAH
I wish it was under better circumstances.

CLAIRE
Me, too.

SARAH
I like your outfit.

CLAIRE
Thanks. I wear a uniform all day, so, when I am off work, I try to make up for it. You know, funk it up a little.

SARAH
It is very funky. Where’d you get the top?

CLAIRE
I can’t remember. I go to a lot of rummage sales and second hand shops. You can dress pretty cool without spending too much if your willing to work for it. Although, my boyfriend may have bought this for me. The only piece of clothing he’s ever got me that wasn’t designed specifically to make him horny.

SARAH
At least, your boyfriend buys you stuff. My ex-boyfriend doesn’t believe in the idea of gifts.

CLAIRE
Sounds like a fancy way to justify being cheap.

SARAH
Maybe. But he was consistent, at least. I wasn’t allowed to buy him stuff either. He’d get all upset if I so much as bought him a bon-bon.

CLAIRE
There is a time and a place for gifts. Anytime and anyplace if they’re for me.

She laughs. SARAH does not.

SARAH
Are you a police officer or something?

CLAIRE
Why do you ask that?

SARAH
You wear a uniform all day.

CLAIRE
Oh yeah. No. Not a chance. I drive a bus. For the city. Public transport.

SARAH
You don’t really look like a bus driver.

CLAIRE
Why do you say that? What does a bus driver look like?

SARAH
Bigger, I guess. Like, a man.

CLAIRE
I suppose. Most of the drivers are still men. But they’ve made a bit of an effort to recruit women. Not many go for it, though.

SARAH
Hasn’t it always been kind of thought of as men’s work.

CLAIRE
Pretty much. I don’t know why though. A driver meets lots of people. Lots of time for chatting.

SARAH
But, there’s all that driving. I hate driving my car in the city. I can’t imagine driving one of those huge buses. And all the passengers. It seems there would be a lot of–I don’t know–confrontation.

CLAIRE
There can be. But, you take the good with the bad. I love driving. Even though I’m stuck to a set route and schedule, I’m totally free when I am on the road. On the road, no one messes with a bus.

SARAH
Yeah, I guess. Not an ‘81 Celica, though. Old women on mobility scooters aren’t afraid to mess with a Celica. What does your boyfriend do?

CLAIRE
He’s a writer and stay-home dad. He looks after the house and our baby.

SARAH
You have a baby?

CLAIRE
Yep. My beautiful little girl, Jessica. She’s eighteen months old.

SARAH
But? You smoke.

CLAIRE
Not while we were trying to get pregnant or during the pregnancy. But, a few months after the birth, things got pretty stressful. New baby, trying to figure out who was going to look after her, on top of all the housework and writing and stuff, there was a lot of fighting. But don’t worry, I never smoke around her or in the house.

SARAH
I’m sorry. I guess, I’m being intrusive.

CLAIRE
Not at all. But, I’m being rude. I haven’t asked a thing about you. Any kids?

SARAH
I have a cat. And her breath smells like cat food.

She waits for recognition. Sees none and carries on.

Her name is Oscar. As far as babies go, I can’t imagine having a baby until, I’m forty or something.

CLAIRE
Why so late?

SARAH
So much to figure out, I guess. I’m not so sure I’d be able to figure it out with a husband and/or children making demands on me all the time. You’re pretty lucky to have found a man who is willing to stay at home.

CLAIRE
It’s good for what he wants to do and I’m not prepared to stay at home. I’ve always known I wouldn’t end up with someone who wasn’t willing to compromise on that point. Once you know what you want, it isn’t so hard to get it.

SARAH
Yeah. Knowing what you want is the hard part.

CLAIRE
You don’t, I take it.

SARAH
Sometimes, I think I do. Then, I change my mind.

CLAIRE
In the unholy words of Bobby Brown, it’s your prerogative.

SARAH
A woman’s prerogative?

CLAIRE
Of course. I suppose it’s everyone’s prerogative these days. Oscar is a cute name for a cat.

SARAH
That’s because she is a cute cat. She’s all white, with a little black on the tip of her tail and the tip of her nose.

CLAIRE
Did you pick the name Oscar for any particular reason?

SARAH
She’s kind of named after Oscar Wilde. And Oscar the Grouch. Depends who I am talking to.

CLAIRE
That’s cute, too. I never much liked Wilde. Too flowery, even with all his sharp little one-liners. And Sesame Street was great but I preferred The Muppets. Much more subversive.

SARAH
Oh, I’m a huge fan of the Muppets too. I have every episode on tape. But, as a kitten, Oscar wasn’t really into subverting social mores so much as eating Tender Vittles and playing with string.

CLAIRE
Yes. Of course. So, what do you do?

SARAH
Kind of in between jobs right now. I was a waitress for a while. Now I’m temping. Trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, I guess. I have a degree in English, so I think I’d like to get into publishing but I’m not so sure.

CLAIRE
Why publishing?

SARAH
I don’t know. I’ve always liked books. I always thought I’d be an English professor–that’s what my Mom is. But, I couldn’t really handle grad school.

CLAIRE
Why not?

SARAH
I enjoyed the classes and reading but the essay-writing was too hard for me. I’d get this massive writer’s block–to the point where I couldn’t write more than a few words an hour. Then, with only a few hours left, it would burst out of me, come rushing out, after I’d been up all night. It was too much stress. Not worth the effort.

CLAIRE
Writing essays was my favorite part. I liked having something to say and saying it completely.

SARAH
Don’t get me wrong, I always had something to say. That’s no problem. But, I don’t know, putting it down in words made it too permanent, I guess. It was too exposed. Too vulnerable, maybe. But also, if I could make sense of it–you know, a book, a poem, or something–and articulate it fully in words, it was like I had ruined it, made it less precious somehow. I don’t know. All of it I guess. What was your degree in?

CLAIRE
English, like you. Well, Comp-Lit to be more precise.

SARAH
How did you end up as a bus driver?

CLAIRE
Because my Dad was a driver. I was like you for awhile. Didn’t really know what to do, took some time off school, traveled around, screwed a lot of mysterious and troubled men, did my own thing. Once I was done with all that crazy stuff, I thought I’d better finish my degree–seeing as I would be the first one in the family to get one–and when I was done I was ready for something different. I loved driving around with Dad when I was a kid, they were recruiting women, and it was different. Dad was management now and he got me a job driving.

SARAH
Cool. Do you think you’ll do it for the rest of your life?

CLAIRE
Now that I can’t say. So long as it fits my purposes, I will. When it doesn’t, I’ll move on, find something else to do.

SARAH
I wish I had your confidence.

CLAIRE
Confidence does make the world a bit easier to navigate.

They fall into another awkward silence.

SARAH
So. Read any good books lately?

CLAIRE
I’ve been reading a lot of Henry Miller. Plexus was the last one. He’s amazing. And you?

SARAH
Milan Kundera.

CLAIRE
I’ve read The Joke. It was pretty good.

SARAH
Oh, You’ve got to read The Book of Laughter and Forgetting. It’s wonderful.

CLAIRE
How so?

SARAH
I can’t say, really. It just is.

Another awkward silence.

CLAIRE
So. Why are you in here?

SARAH
They say I killed a man. But they’re wrong. I’ve killed many many men.

CLAIRE
Really?

SARAH
No. Of course not. The only thing I kill is time. I haven’t a clue why I am here.

CLAIRE
Really?

SARAH
No. Not a clue. Hey, you don’t know why you’re here, either.

CLAIRE
No. No I don’t.

SARAH
Thank God.

In her excitement, SARAH makes a move to touch CLAIRE. Without speaking, CLAIRE makes it clear that she is not to be touched.

I didn’t ask anything because I didn’t want to admit that I didn’t know why I was here.

CLAIRE
If you didn’t know why you were here, why would it be any different for me?

SARAH
I never know what’s going on. I get so lost inside my own head that all life’s a stage and I am not so much a player as an usher who’s locked himself inside the toilet during intermission.

CLAIRE
I don’t know why I am here either.

SARAH
Did they abduct you too? I was having a coffee and a smoke during my break at work and these big guys came up and abducted me.

CLAIRE
Me too. Two big guys showed up at my door and politely asked me to come with them. They had darkish quasi-faux-uniforms. Terribly, cliché. So cliché I thought it was some kind of practical joke. A lame reality TV show or something.

SARAH
Me too!

CLAIRE
I told them to screw off but they were pretty persistent. The guns were quite convincing.

SARAH
They had guns? Do you think we’ve committed a crime or something?

CLAIRE
I haven’t done anything.

SARAH
Me neither. Wow. It’s all a little too Kafka-esque for me.

CLAIRE
God, I hate when people say that. Anytime a situation gets a little ambiguous and involves an authority figure, everyone starts saying it’s Kafka-esque. Well, it isn’t. To think the man’s brilliance could be condensed into a throw-away catch-phrase like that. It’s a total insult to his work. Kafka-esque. This isn’t even existentialist. Except, maybe, derivatively so.

SARAH
I. Am. Sorry?

CLAIRE
Fine. It’s fine. But, don’t even get me started on irony. God, people don’t know how to use that word. Fucking Alannis Morrisette.

SARAH
However you want to describe it, it’s still kind of creepy. There doesn’t seem to be enough–I don’t know–detail.

CLAIRE
Honestly, I like the lack of detail. If there was more detail, I think I’d be more scared. Given the situation, greater detail is probably only nasty-I-don’t-want-to-know-about-it detail. Soylent Green-type detail.

SARAH
But there’s such a temptation to fill in the blanks. You know, connect the dots. I know I haven’t done anything but I feel guilty anyway.

CLAIRE
I’m always innocent until proven guilty. Even when I know I’m guilty. Besides, I doubt you’ve ever done anything wrong enough to warrant anything like this.

SARAH
Why do you say that?

CLAIRE
I figure people out. You make mistakes but you don’t ever do anything wrong.

The lights increase significantly, the door opens, and GUARD enters.

GUARD
So, how are you ladies doing?

CLAIRE
I would say we’re a little anxious to get out of here. Seeing as we have been forcibly confined against our will.

SARAH
I have to get back to work. Really.

GUARD
In due course.

CLAIRE
How long do you plan on holding us here.

GUARD
As a matter of fact, that’s exactly what I’ve been sent to talk to you about.

CLAIRE
How convenient.

SARAH
Good.

GUARD
How long you stay here will ultimately depend on you.

CLAIRE
I think I can speak for Sarah, when I say we would both like to leave now.

GUARD
That might very well be the case for one of you–but not both.

SARAH
You said it was up to us and she told you we both want to go now.

GUARD
It isn’t going to be quite so simple.

CLAIRE
No, of course not.

GUARD
No. Of course not.

CLAIRE
It never is, is it?

GUARD
There wouldn’t be much of a story otherwise. What would you tell your friends?

SARAH
My friends watch TV. They enjoy situations–not stories.

CLAIRE
Abduction is pretty exciting in itself. I don’t need anything more than that to impress my friends, family, and lawyer.

GUARD
Not much of a narrative though is there? Let’s see if we can spice it up a little.

SARAH
No. No narrative spice. Couldn’t we add water. A little warm milk, maybe.

GUARD
You’ll both be asked to confess to a crime.

SARAH
Oh no, paprika.

CLAIRE
Neither of us have done anything.

GUARD
That’s right. As far as anyone here is concerned, neither one of you have done anything to warrant any particular sort of punishment.

SARAH
What are we suppose to confess to then?

GUARD
The crime you confess to isn’t as important as the decision to confess itself.

SARAH
I choose jay-walking.

GUARD
Cute. But what you confess to will have no effect on your sentence. In fact, you won’t be asked to confess to any particular crime at all. You will simply be asked to confess or not to confess.

SARAH
Anyone quotes Hamlet, I hit them.

CLAIRE
Sentence? Hold on a second. We’re being sentenced. As in being put into prison. As in doing time.

GUARD
Yes. Although, technically-speaking, since our organization has no legitimate political authority, it won’t really be a prison.

CLAIRE
What if we refuse to confess?

GUARD
That depends.

CLAIRE
Depends on what?

GUARD
Depends on whether or not you both refuse.

SARAH
What happens if we both refuse?

GUARD
I’ll have the pleasure of your company for no less than six months.

SARAH
Doh!

CLAIRE
And if we play along and confess? What happens then?

GUARD
Again, that depends.

CLAIRE
Quelle surprise.

SARAH
On what?

GUARD
On whether or not you both confess.

SARAH
Will we get out sooner? If so, I confess. Mea culpa. The candlestick was in my hand, I was in the Conservatory–I don’t even know what a Conservatory is–and that bastard Mustard was nowhere near the place.

GUARD
If you both confess, you both spend ten years here.

SARAH
Ten years.

CLAIRE
But we’re doing what you want if we both confess, aren’t we? Shouldn’t the sentence go down?

SARAH
I can’t stay here for ten years. Oh, Aquaman you can’t marry her, she has no gills.

GUARD
It really makes no difference to us if you confess or don’t confess. Our interest is in how you choose given the situation. The sentencing-rules have been designed and set with this purpose in mind. Choose however you think best.

CLAIRE
So far there is no best. Getting out now is best.

SARAH
Isn’t there a way for us to get out right away.

GUARD
Yes. But that–

CLAIRE
But that depends. Yes, we got it already. On what does it depend?

GUARD
It depends on who confesses and who doesn’t. If one of you confesses and the other doesn’t, the one who does goes free immediately.

SARAH
Woo hoo!

CLAIRE
And the one who doesn’t confess. What happens to her?

GUARD
I’d like to say I’ll be enjoying her company for the next fifty years but I don’t expect to be working here that long.

CLAIRE
Fifty years! This is insanity. If either one of us remains here for fifty years, our lives will be over. My little girl will be fifty-one. She won’t even know me.

SARAH
My God, Claire, fifty years. I’ve got so much left to do.

CLAIRE
I’m not staying here that long. Neither one of us is.

SARAH
What are we going to do?

CLAIRE
The answer is obvious. Neither of us will confess. There’s nothing we can do but wait out the six months and hope that they’re true to their word.

GUARD
No need to fear. We are quite true to our word.

SARAH
But, six months. I’ll lose my job.

CLAIRE
It’s either that or ten, or fifty. Unless we both refuse to confess, that’s what going to happen to us. Or one of us, anyway.

SARAH
While the other goes free.

CLAIRE
Yes. While the other goes free.

SARAH
Ok. We both refuse to confess, stay six months, make the best of it. I mean, this could be alright. Can’t be much worse than temping, right.

CLAIRE
Alright, there you go, neither of us is confessing.

GUARD
You’re welcome to come to any arrangement you like. But, I must inform you, we’ll make no effort to co-ordinate the decision.

SARAH
Is there anything we can do to get out of here more quickly. Like, time off for good behavior. Maybe if we did crafts or something. A little light housekeeping.

GUARD
One of you will be free to leave at any time. So long as you are here, the option for confessing will always remain open. For one of you, anyway.

CLAIRE
What?

GUARD
Each day, for the six months you are here, you will both be given the chance to confess.

CLAIRE
Will we be in the same cell, will we be allowed to communicate with each other?

GUARD
Our research suggests it doesn’t make any difference.

CLAIRE
You bastard.

SARAH
What? What’s wrong?

CLAIRE
We’re screwed. We’re totally screwed.

SARAH
What? How?

CLAIRE
We’re not going to be here six months. They’ve rigged it so we’ll be here for ten years. It’s guaranteed.

SARAH
What are you talking about? We both agreed not to confess. We’ll both be out of here in six months.

CLAIRE
No. No, we won’t. The fact that we can’t make sure the other person doesn’t confess, it changes everything.

SARAH
Why? Why should that change anything?

CLAIRE
Because we can screw the other person, that’s why.

SARAH
Que?

CLAIRE
If we both know the other person is not going to confess that means, one of us can get out of here immediately by confessing. Which means if we’re thinking at all, we know the other person will confess. Which means we both have to confess.

SARAH
But, we’ve already agreed. We promise that’s all. That’s it. It’s finished.

CLAIRE
Making it, all the easier to screw the other person. You bastard. You screwed us.

SARAH
How are we screwed? We only need to promise.

GUARD
Yes. It is a bit more complicated than it first appears. Now, I’ll give you ladies a few minutes to discuss the situation and clarify your thoughts before we perform the ceremony.

CLAIRE
Why are you doing this to us?

SARAH
How are we screwed?

GUARD
It’s better than watching TV.

GUARD exits though door, closing it behind him. Cell becomes poorly lit again. CLAIRE storms around the cell in fury, making unintelligible noises of anger and frustration. SARAH stands still waiting for CLAIRE to calm down. When she does, SARAH speaks first.

SARAH
Tell me what’s wrong. What do you mean, we’re screwed?

CLAIRE
We’re screwed because we’re here. We’re screwed because there doesn’t appear to be any reason why we’re here. But, in the here and now, we’re doubly screwed because they have arranged things to guarantee we’ll both be here for ten years.

SARAH
Explain. He said if neither one of us confesses we will be here for six months. Six months is much more than I want to be here but it’s also much less than ten. I want to spend as little time here as possible–just like you.

CLAIRE
And because of that, we’ll both be here for ten years.

SARAH
Why? Why, when there is a way for us to be here for only six months?

CLAIRE
Because anyone with a brain is going to confess.

SARAH
I have a brain and I’m not going to confess.

CLAIRE
Only because you’re not using it. Or at least not properly. Think about it. We both want to spend the least amount of time in here, right.

SARAH
Ya. Das ist Richtag.

CLAIRE
The least amount of time is zero and that option is available. But, the only way to access that option is by confessing.

SARAH
Only one of us will go free. The other person will have to stay here for fifty years.

CLAIRE
And neither one of us wants to stay that long. But, both of us want to spend the least amount of time here possible.

SARAH
So. We both won’t confess.

CLAIRE
No. Both of us will confess.

SARAH
Why? You’re the one who isn’t thinking.

CLAIRE
Listen. We both want out of here. And as soon as possible. And neither one of us wants to be here for fifty years–which is the risk we take if we don’t confess. So, we’ll both confess, hoping the other chooses not to. It’s the only sane option.

SARAH
The only sane option is to confess hoping the other won’t in the full knowledge that they will. How does that make any sense? If we both agree not to confess, we both get out in less time.

CLAIRE
Look, if we had some way to guarantee that both of us weren’t going to confess it would be the right option. But we don’t. And because we can’t, we have to assume the other person is going to confess. It’s not even a question of one of us trying to screw the other person. It’s not the right way to put it. The other person has nothing to do with it. I simply have to assume you are going to do what it takes to get out of here the quickest because that is exactly what I am going do. And that means confessing. So, I have to confess as well. Otherwise, I’m stuck here for fifty years.

SARAH
But, if we trust each other–

CLAIRE
This isn’t a question of trust! It doesn’t even matter that we’re strangers. If you were my best friend in the whole world, I’d still have to confess. It’s not like if we hugged more the problem would solve itself. In point of fact, I do trust you. I trust you to do the smart thing. And the smart thing is to confess.

SARAH
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my whole life.

CLAIRE
It doesn’t matter. You have no choice. I’m telling you. I’m going to confess.

SARAH
And, I’m telling you, I’m not.

CLAIRE
Why? Why would you do that?

SARAH
Because, it’s the right thing to do.

CLAIRE
The right thing to do. In what possible world is it the right thing to do?

SARAH
In this world.

CLAIRE
Wrong. In this world, your only option is to confess.

SARAH
Last time I looked, the option of not confessing hadn’t magically disappeared.

CLAIRE
No, not magically. But they have set the rules up so that there is only one option. Only one sane option.

SARAH
No. No there’s not.

CLAIRE
Don’t be stupid. We aren’t arguing about the rules of hopscotch or which dolly we are going play with. Saying no isn’t going to get you anywhere. This is your life, your whole life we’re talking about.

SARAH
You said it yourself. They designed it this way. Why would you want to play into that. Why are you trying to think the way they want you to think?

CLAIRE
Because they can do this to us. Because it’s their game. All we can do is play by their rules and make the best of it.

SARAH
Or we can tell them the game sucks and not play.

CLAIRE
If you were a little older, had experienced a little more, you’d see things differently.

SARAH
No, I wouldn’t. There’s an obvious way out of this, which is not great, but it’s the best under the circumstances, the best for both of us, and it’s the way I’m going to take.

CLAIRE
Why are you being such a girl? You know what’s going to happen. You’ll be stuck here the rest of your life. Alone.

SARAH
I know what might happen but I also know what I want to happen. I can’t be sure I’ll get what I want but I can at least try.

CLAIRE
You’re crazy or worse–you want to be some kind of martyr.

SARAH
I don’t want to be a martyr. But I want to live my life based on choices I make because I want to make them, not because I am suppose to make them. I’ll deal with the consequences, as they come.

Lights go up again and GUARD enters, holding a clipboard.

GUARD
Excellent. I see you ladies have had time to discuss things.

SARAH
Yes. Yes, we have. I think it’s pretty clear what we’re both going to do.

CLAIRE
Or, you’re trying to trick me. This is some kind of elaborate con.

SARAH
I’m not trying to con you. You know what I am going to do. Do what you think is best.

CLAIRE
And you know exactly what I am going to do.

SARAH
I scream you scream we all scream for ice cream.

GUARD
Alright then. Well, now that’s settled. If I could get Claire to take this form and pen and enter the room through that door on the left there, she will be able to register her decision in private.

He holds out the form and pen to be taken but neither woman moves. He points at SARAH.

You’re Claire, right? Take the form and go in the other room please.

CLAIRE
No, she’s Sarah. I’m Claire.

GUARD.
Oh. My mistake. Take the form, please, and I’ll stay here with Sarah to register her decision. I’ll knock when we’re ready.

CLAIRE
Don’t be stupid, Sarah. Do the right thing.

SARAH
I will.

Claire enters room and closes door.

GUARD
It’s quite sound proof.

SARAH
Of course.

GUARD
So, what’s your decision?

SARAH
I’m not filling out your form.

GUARD
Now now, refusing to fill out the form will be interpreted as an unwillingness to confess.

SARAH
That’s fine.

GUARD
Really? Have you properly considered the consequences of your decision. Frequently, people don’t understand the implications of the sentencing rules. Would you like me to explain it again?

SARAH
I understand perfectly. No explanations required.

GUARD
Very well. Would you please fill out the form and record your unwillingness to confess. Space for an explanation has been provided.

SARAH
No.

GUARD
You’ve put a lot of faith and trust in a person you don’t know. I can’t say I’d do the same.

SARAH
No faith or trust here. She won’t make the right decision.

GUARD knocks on door and, after a pause, the door opens. CLAIRE hands her paper to GUARD and stands in front of the cell’s main door. As he reads, CLAIRE reaches into her purse and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.

GUARD
Of course.

CLAIRE
I didn’t lose them.

Removes a cigarette from pack.

I lied. I only had a few left. That’s why I bummed one off of you. I wanted to make sure I’d have some for later. Sorry.

SARAH
Overflowing with confessions, I see.

CLAIRE
Hesitates, then lights cigarette.

Yes.

SARAH
Are you apologizing for the cigarette or your more recent decision?

CLAIRE
Both.

SARAH
Apology accepted.

CLAIRE
I take it, I’m leaving now.

SARAH
Of course.

CLAIRE
Fuck you. I warned you. I told you what I was going to do. Don’t try to make this out like it’s my fault.

SARAH
I’m not.

CLAIRE
I made the only sensible choice. The only sensible decision. The decision you should have made. I wasn’t going to wait for you to come to your senses.

SARAH
Fair enough. You win some. You lose some. Good-bye. Good luck.

CLAIRE
Cunt.

CLAIRE throws the cigarette pack on the floor and exits without looking back. GUARD follows, smiling. SARAH watches the cigarettes for a moment, sighs, shrugs, and picks them up.

Ugh. Menthols.

She goes to the bed, opens her shoulder bag, and pulls out a smaller designer leather handbag. She opens it and pulls out an unopened pack of cigarettes. She puts the handbag away again.

SARAH
She reads the package’s warning.

Cigarette smoke harms others. I hope someone feeds Oscar.

LIGHTS.

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