On Friday, I rode Leviathan, the tallest and fastest roller coaster in Canada. It was awesome.
A CHILDHOOD FANTASY COME TRUE
As a kid, did you ever fantasize about having an amusement park to yourself?
Wonderland’s Fast Lane Pass comes pretty close to making that fantasy come true.
We were strapped into Leviathan for a second ride before the adrenaline rush of the first had subsided. The third ride, too.
RETURN OF THE REPRESSED
Towards the end of the day, I noticed a spike in anxiety.
Some part of my brain had decided that, as the greatest amusement park experience of my life carried on, the chance that something bad was going to happen was increasing.
Rationally, I told myself that such a worry was irrational, but the part of my brain that was anxious refused to listen.
Nothing went wrong, of course, but I was on edge the rest of the weekend, as part of my brain looked for the disaster it was sure would happen.
THE LEVIATHAN OF HABIT
As a kid, I received less than than ideal parenting.
If my household went for any period of time without some kind of major meltdown, it meant one was sure to happen soon. The longer we went without a meltdown, the sooner the next one loomed.
I suspect part of my brain identified and learned this pattern early on. When things got going good, part of my brain learned to get ready for them to go bad.
Whether this pattern truly existed or was only a childhood misperception, it’s certainly not true of the world, amusement parks, and roller coasters. A good run of peace, fun, and/or goodness does not increase the likelihood of disaster, crisis, or hardship anymore than a string of heads increases the likelihood of flipping tails.
THE UNIVERSAL IN THE PERSONAL
Of course, the notion that a run of good luck increases the chance of an instance of bad luck crops up everywhere in human culture, from karma to divine retribution to the Gambler’s Fallacy.
Perhaps, because the species evolved in a culture and climate of violence, where tall poppies were always eventually cut down, a primate that looked for an always inevitable assault when things were going good had some kind of reproductive advantage.
Perhaps, the alpha primate who sees enemies everywhere survives longer and reproduces more often.
THE GOOD NEWS
It’s quite rare now that my brain slips into a corkscrew of anxiety because it’s experiencing a streak of good fortune. Moreover, as far as I can tell, I’m aware of it when it happens now, so I can keep the anxiety in check and not find the hardship the anxiety seeks. The prophecy of my anxiety is no longer self-fulfilling.
Ring any bells? Let me know below.
Alline
July 19, 2012
Relieved to hear I’m not the only one to get anxious about life going well. Maybe we had similar upbringings. I often find myself dreading the other shoe falling because I’ve got it so good: married a near perfect man; have healthy, intelligent children; travel a lot; have plenty of leisure time, etc. Given my good fortune I feel the gods will somehow punish me.
Sterling Lynch
July 20, 2012
I know what you mean. I often joke to myself in the better moments that a man in a white lab coat and clipboard is going to show up and say, “Yes, we’ve made a mistake. Life is not meant to be this good. Especially for you. To the salt mines!”
Celticopia (@Celticopia)
July 25, 2012
Thanks for this Sterling. Sometimes, it feels like ‘dodging bullets’. Sometimes that anxiety serves a purpose and other times it can be detrimental. I would be interested in your thoughts on my related blog post http://celticopia.blogspot.ie/2012/07/unfinished-thoughts.html it was born out of an attempt to respond to this post of yours, and took on a life of it’s own as I put together stray thoughts I was having.
Have a nice day!
Sterling Lynch
July 30, 2012
Thanks for posting the link. I love the idea that I helped spark a blog post that took on a life of its own.
Comment added to your post.