Browsing All posts tagged under »friendship«

La Grande Bellezza: Admired but Never Known.

March 5, 2014


Once a woman passes a certain threshold of physical attractiveness, it’s not unreasonable to claim that, for her, every heterosexual man is, in principle, sexually attainable. In most cases, a man will resist the sexual advances of a woman he finds attractive only when there is some kind of promise, rule, or law he feels […]

The Call of Duty: Your Heart May Call, the Beloved Isn’t Obliged To Answer.

February 3, 2014


Recently, I ended up on the wanting end of a “I-want-more-than-you-want” affair. Contrary to what you might expect, it was a pretty positive experience. Things worked out well for two reasons. First, and most importantly, she was upfront and very clear about what she wanted — or did not want — at this point in […]

Ain’t Nothing but Mammals: Do the Reasons for Attachment Matter?

January 20, 2014


A friend recently made the point to me that a woman’s decision to go home with a man on any given night might be something that simply happens, without explanation, and for no particular reason. I’ve been trying to figure out why I find the plausibility of this claim unsettling. On the face of it, […]

Love’s Wordless Understanding: What Does It Mean?

December 12, 2011


There’s a story, from one of my all time favorite books, that goes something like this: a musician plays a beautiful and complex piece of music for an attentive listener. When the musician concludes the piece, the listener asks, “what does it mean?” The musician, as a answer, plays the piece again, note for note. […]

Art Imitating Life Imitating Art Imitating Life Imitating Art.

December 5, 2011


In chapter 7 of my novel, A Derivation of Love, Desmond decides to write a semi-autobiographical novel about boys and girls and the problems between them. The chapter concludes when a friend tells him to put lots of sex in the book, otherwise, “it won’t sell.” At this stage in the novel, which has been […]

A Derivation of Love: An Experiment in Failure.

November 14, 2011


In November of 2001, I set out to fail. I had decided, once and for all, to write a novel. Unfortunately, I had also recently decided that the novel is impossible (to borrow a fashionable phrase of the time.) A novel is impossible, I thought, because it is impossible to capture or represent a life […]

Philia v. Eros: What (How Deep) is Your Love?

November 5, 2011


For all women, there is at least one person she is meant to love with all her heart and not to desire sexually. For all men, there is at least one person he is meant to love with all his heart and not to desire sexually. Depending on a person’s sexuality, it will either be […]

Plato’s Sneer: Love And Desire As You Please, So Long As You Love And Desire Those Like Me

October 15, 2009


I’ve seen it time and again and it has happened to me. A platonic female friend sneers, “that’s who you find attractive, that’s what you find attractive in a girl / woman.” It took me a long time to realize that the sneer should be translated as, “she is not like me.” It took me […]

Life Not Imitating Art and Why It Should: The Possibility of It

July 15, 2009


I was very fortunate to attend Wilfrid Laurier University at a time when Dr. Leslie O’Dell arranged to have Janet Wright direct a play starring Ted Follows. He was supported by a gaggle of undergrads. I had a fairly minor part and didn’t interact too often with Mr. Follows on- or off-stage; even so, he provided […]

An Important Discovery. October 2008. A Sunday. Nine-ish.

December 17, 2008


1. Other persons, despite some similarities, are not like me. I am unlikely to make proper sense of a person’s understanding of the world (unexpressed or otherwise), her intentions, or her behavior, if I assume it is always like or identical to my own. It is possible to make sense of another person’s understanding of […]


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