I have discovered Disco Polo Music. I am entranced by its congenial, hyper-sexualized tribalism. It evades banality because it is paradigmatic, pure, and distilled.
A minority linguistic community created and championed this style of music because it mirrored and championed the minority linguistic community.
I am reminded: it is Disco Polo Music all the way day.
On the train from Berlin, I passed through lives and worlds and histories. Hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions: full, complete and unencumbered by my existence.
As I watched the vast flat fields and imagined the millions of men and women who have marched east west, west east, and back again, I felt and knew and saw the futility of living a life in the hope of being a story in future histories.
I am reminded: writing is hubris — but so what? From the perspective of history, living is too.
Some time ago, I diligently journaled every day for a year. It was stream-of-conscious, pure and distilled.
Some time after, I reread it, hoping for insight. Instead, it was mundane, banal, repetitive.
At the time, I was disappointed. It amounted to so little. Now, I understand that it had provided an important insight.
Without the discipline of an audience, real or imagined, my thoughts, my mind, my identity, they are mundane, banal, repetitive.
I am reminded: there is no value without valuers and fame is its prophet.
I sometimes think that my conversion to atheism was the ultimate career-limiting move.
There is nothing I have written or thought or done that couldn’t have been dressed up in the clothing of theology — and, in so doing, groomed it for a vast community eager for meaning.
Even now, I could dress up my words, thoughts and ideas in the comforting clothes of theology. My actual beliefs are irrelevant to the meaning that others draw from my words. Writing in the name of God would be no more false or untrue than the plausible deniability of fiction and the implausible truth of non-fiction. It would be a lie no worse and no better than the lie at the heart of everything.
I am reminded: I am that I am.